今天，我找到了那把充满回忆的口琴。

只是轻轻地拿握在手中，却一直感到那沉沉的思念。

不断续地直涌心坎。

清洗一番，吹起了当年爸爸教我的曲调，愕然发现自己其实只记得如何吹奏《小白船》。

生疏的技巧吹出了熟悉的曲子，心中的滋味难以形容。

表面上没流泪，但其实泪，留在心里头。

好怀念。。。好怀念。。。

P.S. 其实到这里，我早已静静地落泪了。总是爱逞强的我。。。

i noticed that, as of late, when i tell someone that i miss him/her, i don't get it back anymore.

i miss being missed.

http://www.vimeo.com/14803194

i miss the times when i miss u.

but everything is in the past now.

ah wee: it's actually really sad, when u realised that the someone whom u used to be so close with gradually became more like a stranger. with time, you'll forget what he/she likes, how he/she sounds like, when he/she looks the best, how his/her laughter never fails to bring a smile to you...

somehow wad ah wee said hurts me a lil in e heart.

i was so exhausted at work today.

needed to bounce off some ideas with oh oh, and guess what number i dialed.

94511527

recently i kept thinking abt dad, idk why.

really dunno.

officially graduated.

goodbye to 16 years of studying. hello to a life of working.

anyways that's not the point of this entry.

i went to convocation alone.

i think i'm the only one who went to convocation without the presence of any family members.

at first i was a little sad that my bro had to go to school and my mum didn't want to attend, but it all makes sense as i won't want my mum to go alone as well. if so, i won't have e freedom of running ard taking photos w anyone in sight. also most prob i'll have to go home with her immediately after convocation.

but this is a negative entry coz when my friends knew that none of my family members came, they gave me a sad look of sympathy. i'm positive that they didn't do it on purpose, but i can't say that i'm not affected the least bit.

ah well. but i did have fun at convocation. ok now refer to my positive entry, pls.

1月6日2011年上演的那一场戏，在7月6日2011年结束了。

6个月之后，在同样的地点。开场，落幕。

并不觉得怎么样。不过是预料之内的事。

这注定是一场没有结局的戏。

我承认，自己不是石头做的。

伤感悠然存在。但随之而来的轻松，让我觉得欣慰。

因为真真正正地谢幕了。

谢谢你让我尝到了丝丝甜蜜的滋味。尽管我的记忆不良，但那些陈年的片段，我不会忘记。

i wish my baby all the best.

:)

你一定要走吗？
可不可以休息一下。
像我一样，偶尔睡个懒觉，
偶尔发呆，偶尔出错，
偶尔闹闹情绪，偶尔耍赖……
.::几米::.

please stop blaming other people and learn to take up some responsibilities on your own.

coz if you don't help yourself, nobody can help you.

you're given chance after chance to prove yourself, and yet you failed.

i seriously ponder if you should be given another chance at this again.

i'd rather you be given another chance at something else which you might just excel in.

you don't owe me anything baby.

but i feel that you've owed yourself.

tell me how many promises you've broken and how many excuses you've came up with to substantiate them.

is it worth the repeated years? the extra loan?

and most importantly, the time lost?

every time this happened, you'll issue a promise that you can't fulfill. how can anyone trust that this time, things will be different?

also, my dear, there are definitely other ways out. this just may not be the way for you.

in any case, of course I hope that this time round, the results will be different, that you'll fulfill your promise, and maybe even outperform.

but base on what I know about you, I really doubt it.

nevertheless, i love you. and of course I hope that this time round, it'll work out for you. but part of me wishes that you'll take other paths ahead of you, which are more tailor-made for you, I feel.

i miss you.

人为什么要活到这么累？

人为什么要活到这么黑暗？

人为什么要活到这么悲惨？

人为什么要活到这么自怜？

人为什么要活到这么自欺欺人？

人为什么要把自己的不快乐推到别人身上？

难道自己不能承担自己的快乐吗？

it was before i took a nap that i recalled my dreams yesterday night.

dad came back. we lived together happily for a period of time.

one day he disappeared.

i walked past the sides of the vast ocean waters. and i thought i saw the back view of a human figure in the waters.

it suddenly occurred to me that. dad was long gone. and the figure that came back to us was just a manifestation of my deepest desire. apparently some spirits heard it and decided to fulfill it for a moment.

the day when the figure disappeared was when the spirits heard a voice elsewhere and decided to correspond to it instead.

hence the disappearance.

and the emptiness that follows. yet again.

absolutely wrong timing.

too late.

sorry. i really don't think so.

3 words that i wanna say but i'm so afraid that i won't get them back from you.

yes, i'm not that confident after all.

http://leloveimage.blogspot.com/2011/04/thought-of-us-having-label.html

baby, i wanna say that if it's so hard to love, then perhaps it's better to withdraw.

i can't bear to see you cry again.

工人党胜出了，爸！新加坡政治终于有个突破了！

i wish you'd live to see this.

started off with you being my best friend since year 1.

ended off with you being out of reach in year 4.

life, as such.

i rem u brought me to my first rally, 5 years ago.

i couldn't vote then.

you couldn't vote now.

we'll never get to vote for WP together.

attending rally reminds me of u. i rem how excited u'll be. e times u behave like a fan boy.

this yr, i went. it was fun too.

but things are just different, 5 years later.

i was looking for a certain fb msg and i chanced upon this song that someone sent me.

it's a song that U2 sang for his father.

the other day when i saw my bro's back view, it struck me how much he resembles dad. it struck me so hard that i could feel the tears.

it was then on i wish i'll never have to see your back view.

let me walk with you.

Sometimes You Can't Make It On Your Own

Tough, you think you've got the stuff
You're telling me and anyone
You're hard enough

You don't have to put up a fight
You don't have to always be right
Let me take some of the punches
For you tonight

Listen to me now
I need to let you know
You don't have to go it alone

And it's you when I look in the mirror
And it's you when I don't pick up the phone
Sometimes you can't make it on your own

We fight all the time
You and I...that's alright
We're the same soul
I don't need...I don't need to hear you say
That if we weren't so alike
You'd like me a whole lot more

Listen to me now
I need to let you know
You don't have to go it alone

And it's you when I look in the mirror
And it's you when I don't pick up the phone
Sometimes you can't make it on your own

I know that we don't talk
I'm sick of it all
Can - you - hear - me - when - I -
Sing, you're the reason I sing
You're the reason why the opera is in me...

Where are we now?
I've still got to let you know
A house still doesn't make a home
Don't leave me here alone...

And it's you when I look in the mirror
And it's you that makes it hard to let go
Sometimes you can't make it on your own
Sometimes you can't make it
The best you can do is to fake it
Sometimes you can't make it on your own

i wanna travel.

but i needa wait till i would stop being a burden to anyone else.

:(

i tweeted this the other day when i felt 幸福 just coz i drank a glass of warm water when i woke up.

其实幸福可以很简单。

但人是贱的。

简单得到的幸福就不算是幸福了。

after that i realised that it's actually a pretty sad post.

得不到的总是最美的。

为什么人都那么贱？

我们一起走吧。

you're so hard to love. but i don't know why, you're just too dear a friend to me, tough for me not to love you.

do you know why i don't like to initiate meet-ups? that's coz i'll feel like i'm at the losing end when the person don't give a damn about it. or just like you, too busy to remember. but when someone initiates a meet-up with me, i'll make sure i stay true to my promise, even when i really don't feel like going at the very last minute, i'll make myself go. coz i know how broken promises taste like.

too busy to even check your sms? are you sure? i highly doubt that. i don't need a long reply from you. just a short simple one will suffice. you know me.

if you were someone else, i would have snapped back at you. i'm not a step-over, easy-going person. and you know that i can be very independent and go solo.

but just in front of you, i'm so fragile. i hate that feeling. i dun understand why. i must have owed you my life the previous time. perhaps you've saved me at war or something. who knows.

when i say i dun mind, sometimes i dun mean it. i hate myself for not being able to tell you straight that i do mind.

i'm positive that you dun even know that all these is going through my head.

perhaps i'm cut out to be independent. and alone. at least when i fail or succeed, i'll implicate only myself.

you're really hard to please. i don't know when i'll be too tired to love you anymore. but i'll try my best now. definitely.

sighs. i should really do something about this.

忍。

忍。

忍。

忍。

忍。

忍。

忍。

忍。

忍。

忍。

忍。

忍。

忍。

忍。

忍。

忍。

忍。

忍。

忍。

忍。

忍。

忍。

忍。

忍。

忍。

忍。

忍。

忍。

忍。

我喜欢人家依赖我。

但我很讨厌自己依赖人家。

every time i see the photos back during that period of time, i'm reminded of you.

and of course, i'm reminded of my silliness.

all of dat was just me being lonely and bored and i'm really sorry.

but well, it felt true back then. just that things cleared up so quickly and that made me realised that it's purely my mistake. i was really being childish.

gosh i'll never dare to tell you that, defo. but this is a good place for me to let it out without doing another damage.

whew.

come

shoot me whenever i'm trying to be cheerful.

you love spreading unhappiness anyway.

today is hall dance competition.

how i wish i'm either on stage or at the audience seats.

:(

Danboard does not trust her own shadow because it still leaves her when the light is gone.

i am such a cat.

such a stubborn stubborn cat.

not even a cute cat.

a tripod cat.

an insanely obstinate handicapped cat.

somehow i think it's more of like the shared memories u had w him when y'all cleaned up the pipes 5 years back, that's why u were so agitated when the workers (who didn't do a good job and really deserved to be scolded) came.

at least when u're like this, not under any kind of alcoholic influence, i can feel for u.

somehow seeing you like this, trying desperately to resolve the pipes problem, it hurts me too. memories of u 2 together just started flowing back...

i miss...

我：对啊，我朋友他们都很喜欢跳舞。

妈：喜欢是一回事，也要可以跳才行啊。谁知道那时候。。。

静止

my heart sank immediately and i felt like crying.

do you have to be SO encouraging, honestly?

you are totally hinting that i might not be able to dance ANYMORE even after this op. do you think you really SHOULD say that even if you really FEEL so? do you have to drive me near tears? haven't you been an expert at doing so already?

you've already displayed your fucking inconsiderate and insensitive side to your daughter who had just gone for an operation by blaming her for going for operation, and by saying that you don't understand why your daughter has to go for the operation coz she could totally walk around normally just that she couldn't squat and couldn't dance.

oh yar. how would you understand? you never had a passion. oh, sorry. you do hold a passion for alcohol. you said you can NEVER live without it.

draw an analogy, my dear mother. it's the same to me.

and pls. accept the truth. i've already gone for the operation. now what i can do is just heal up proper and quick.

how encouraging... how encouraging indeed. that you do not have faith in this.

ok. then don't. i never seek my main support from you anyways. i don't expect that from someone who consistently gets drunk and miserable.

i swear.

times like this, basically every single afternoon, i wish that i could put a bullet in your head

and free your soul from that pathetically drunk body.

窗外的天气 就像是 你多变的表情

下雨了 雨陪我哭泣
看不清 我也不想看清

离开你我安静的抽离 不忍揭晓的剧情
我的泪流在心里 学会放弃

听雨的声音 一滴滴清晰
你的呼吸像雨滴渗入我的爱里
真希望 雨能下不停
让想念继续 让爱变透明
我爱上给我 勇气的Rainie Love

久违的雨滴 一滴滴累积
屋内的湿气像储存爱你的记忆
真希望 雨能下不停
雨爱的秘密 能一直延续
我相信我将 会看到彩虹的美丽

冷冷的空气 很窒息 我无法呼吸
一万颗雨滴的距离 很彻底 让爱消失无息

离开你我安静的抽离 不忍揭晓的剧情

我的泪流在心里 学会放弃

听雨的声音 一滴滴清晰

你的呼吸像雨滴渗入我的爱里
真希望 雨能下不停
让想念继续 让爱变透明
我爱上给我 勇气的Rainie Love

窗外的雨滴 一滴滴累积
屋内的湿气像储存爱你的记忆
真希望 雨能下不停
雨爱的秘密 能一直延续
我相信我将 会看到彩虹的美丽

屋内的湿气像储存爱你的记忆
真希望 雨能下不停
雨爱的秘密 能一直延续
我相信我将 会看到彩虹的美丽

怎么会有想要抽泣的冲动？

感觉有些心疼。

窗外的天气，就像是呼应我现在复杂的心情。

该放手吗？

思念是一種病

當你在穿山越嶺的另一邊　我在孤獨的路上沒有盡頭

一輩子有多少的來不及　發現已經失去最重要的東西
恍然大悟早已遠去　為何總是在犯錯之後　才肯相信錯的是自己
他們說這就是人生　試著體會
試著忍住眼淚　還是躲不開應該有的情緒
我不會奢求世界停止轉動　我知道逃避一點都沒有用
只是這段時間裡　尤其在夜裡　還是會想起難忘的事情
我想我的思念是一種病　久久不能痊癒

＊當你在穿山越嶺的另一邊　我在孤獨的路上沒有盡頭
　時常感覺你在耳後的呼吸　卻未曾感覺你在心口的鼻息
　(Oh 思念是一種病 Oh 思念是一種病　一種病)

汲汲營營忘記身邊的人需要愛和關心　藉口總是拉遠了距離

不知不覺無聲無息　我們總是在抱怨事與願違　卻不願意回頭看看自己
想想自己　到底做了什麼蠢事情　也許是上帝給我一個試煉
只是這傷口需要花點時間　只是會想念過去的一切
那些人事物會離我遠去　而我們終究也會遠離變成回憶

Repeat ＊

多久沒有說我愛你　多久沒有擁抱你所愛的人
當這個世界　不再那麼美好　只有愛可以讓他更好
我相信　一切都來得及　別管那些紛紛擾擾
別讓不開心的事　停下了腳步　就怕你不說　就怕你不做
別讓遺憾繼續　一切都來得及

Repeat ＊

少飞少爷，一路走好。。。

Is it because I’ve admired him all my life that leads me into his script so instantaneously?

Is it because of the overlaps and similarities in our life experiences that simply a few lines of his script are capable of moving me to tears?

How did anyone spawn such beautiful story and writing? And how could it be that the same blood runs in our bodies? I can never write something so amazing.

All I can do is switching masks. I could be crying alone for one moment, and I could be smiling and chatty with others at the next. Sometimes I surprised myself with my speed of emotional adjustment.

Snap.

All it takes to change.

It’s as if I’m acting, enrolled in a play, directed by fate and destiny and godly powers.

If you’ve only seen the happy me, chances are, you don’t know me.

But perhaps it’s better for you to stay there.

Unless you feel that I’m worth it.

不自觉地把这歌词放在这栏。

其实不算是很悲观的歌吧。

也许心情真的会影响很多。

但我觉得这首歌

真的写出我现在的心声。

一個人　眺望碧海和藍天　

在心裡面那抹灰就淡一些

海豚從眼前飛越　

我看見了最陽光的笑臉

好時光都該被寶貝　因為有限

我學著不去擔心得太遠　

不計畫太多反而能勇敢冒險

豐富地過每一天　快樂地看每一天

Wooh～第一次遇見陰天遮住你側臉

有什麼故事好想了解　

我感覺我懂你的特別

你的心有一道牆　

但我發現一扇窗　

偶爾透出一絲暖暖的微光

就算你有一道牆

我的愛會攀上窗台盛放　

打開窗你會看到悲傷融化

你會聞到幸福晴朗的芬芳

承受不了压力的你， 垮塌的时候让我心碎。

强行控制对你的喜欢。

i miss.

i need.