my mum kept saying i have to pass my btt and ftt and practical asap.

kept saying it.

it's not a matter of whether i want to or not, it's a matter of luck as well.

it's not that i don't want to learn driving. but she's giving me too much of it.

i know that dad's car is still around. and i know that somebody's gotta drive it.

it's either u or me.

so i shall give it a go.

i need to drive.

not that i want to.

i can imagine how slow i will be, i can imagine how stressful i will be, i can imagine how many times i will get lost on those roads, i can imagine how much time will be wasted.

and i don't want to imagine any accidents.

i'm really scared about it. and she's not helping much at all.

by getting drunk and telling me all that, you think it's gonna help?

retreating to my shell. coiling up. withering.

555th post

But for now, let me say,

without any hope or agenda,

just because it's Christmas.

(and at Christmas you tell the truth)

To me, you are perfect.

And my wasted heart will love you...



Christmas eve blew past with snow. Of course, i really meant rain but how much i wish for the rain to turn to snow. Had a date with the dentist and went for a movie after that. Not with the dentist (simply because he has dates with a lot of other patients) but with mum and bro. Bedtime stories, i love it. Such a cute happy movie. Showing happy endings and wad-nots.

Adam Sandler is right. There IS no happy endings. They only happen in fairy tales.
My fairy tale has ended.
My fairy tale has eloped with you.
It's so quiet now, it doesn't seem like Christmas eve at all.
It's so quiet that it hurts.
Crying and silence comes as a pair in my life.

Merry Christmas.

To me, you are perfect.

And my wasted heart will love you... forever and ever

i saw the prettiest xmas deco this yr.

probably the prettiest i've seen in my life.

fireflies on trees.

fairies on xmas trees.

twinkles in the sky.

like fairy dust dancing lightly and gracefully on the stage.

so pretty.

was stunned for words.

とてもきれかたです.

tears fell again at such a pretty sight. i imagined dad to be on the same boat as us, enjoying every minute in the company of these fireflies.

enjoying every minute of our company.

i'm so glad that it was pitch dark then. nobody can see anything and everyone had their attention on the fireflies.

i know that in the future, whatever extraordinarily beautiful things i come across in life, i'm going to tear.

coz u never had the chance to see it with me. coz u left much too early. coz i miss your company.

never ever seeing someone again.

which is more painful, to see your love dead or dying love?

everytime you scold me, reprimand me or raise your voice at me whenever i'm slow at reacting or just not doing what you think is right, i will feel very much like crying.

i will think of dad. i will think of how you suddenly became the sole breadwinner of the family. i will think of the amount of pressure being placed on you. i will think of how i used to cry when you taught me English from the scratch coz you were so fierce.

but i won't allow myself to cry. even if i cry, my tears shall fall silently like the snow and my voice shall not contain the tremble of leaves.

i shall just be a silent punchbag. i shall not rebut. i shall just suffer alone. coz you don't have to suffer more. and i can take sufferings. coz i've suffered so much that i'm used to it.

i only wish for you to be happy. coz i think that you are the best brother one could ever have. and i am so sorry that i could never be a proper helper coz i'm never as smart as you are.

tears fall. nothing known.

soba studio says:

however, the storm represent trouble
soba studio says:

it means tat u are very troubled at the moment
soba studio says:

and u are still undergoing the storm
soba studio says:

but i think u will be fine becuz u are a very strong gal

thanks xi. you're strong too.

we were a happy family.



happy and complete.



now we could only see it on dvds and turn green with envy at their contented faces.



seeing them basking in lights of family joy, we lurk low in shadows.



dreaming of living in the past.



but we're forced to move on.



all the tears we shed, all the cries we let out.



only impede us from moving on, by shrouding us in mists of the past



that we can never return.



it's gone. it's over.



all that is left is memories.



nothing else.



---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Setting Sun

CHARACTERS

Mother, Sun Yin

Daughter, Chen Hee (young girl, 6 years old)

Old Woman (60s)

Father, Guang

Japanese General

British General

Japanese soldiers

Children (voices)

(other than Old Woman, Sun Yin and Chen Hee, the other characters appear onstage wearing masks)

Blackout.Stageright, gradual spot on Old Woman in a rocking chair. She seems to be in a deep sleep. Sounds of children playing and laughing around her)

CHILDREN”S VOICES: Ah Mah..Ah Mah.. Wake up..wake up and tell us a story..

( THE OLD WOMAN ignores them, pretending to be tossing and turning in her sleep while secretly peeping at her grandchildren)

CHILDREN”S VOICES (laughing): Ha…Ah Mah! Your acting skills very poor leh! Like Channel 8 actress! Don’t sleep anymore! Tell us a story? (children’s voices mingle into a mess of sounds)

(THE OLD WOMAN opens her eyes and smiles at the audience, slowly putting her finger to her lips. Children’s voices fade out. She motions them to sit around her)

OLD WOMAN: Nothing gets past you little monsters. Children today are so smart! (sits up with great difficulty) Not to mention so demanding they don’t even allow their old tired Ah Mah a good afternoon nap.

A CHILD”S VOICE (pleading): Sorry, Ah Mah..but we really love hearing your stories…

OLD WOMAN (as if addressing the audience): Hm..alright then..let Ah Mah tell you one of the most…special stories that Ah Mah knows. Of course, all stories are special, in one way or another, to one person or other, in one time or another. But this one is more special than others. This is the story of Chen Hee, a girl who was about your age, living in Singapore a long time ago. Chen Hee’s Ah Pah was a man called Guang…and he too was a great storyteller. Her Ah Pah… (long pause.lost in thought)

A CHILD’S VOICE: Ah Mah?

OLD WOMAN: Oh…where was I? (sad little awkward laugh) Ha…Ah Mah getting old…Memory’s not as good as it used to be, like an old photograph fading away…(takes a deep breath) This is a story that begins with a story. Chen Hee’s Ah Pah used to love telling stories.

(fadeout on OLD WOMAN and gradual spot on CHEN HEE sitting on the floor stageleft. GUANG moves partially into spot. He is holding a red book, which he opens and proceeds to read from. As he tells the story, the sound of increasingly pressing drums can be heard and faded yellow illustrations are projected onto a screen in the background)

GUANG: Once upon a time, there was a ferocious beast called Nian. It had a terrible burning hunger that was as great as the sun…and a horrible gruesome body as great as the world. Every winter, when food was scarce in the mountains where it lived, it would make its way to the human village nearby, catching and devouring every living thing it lay its eyes on. The villagers were frightened out of their wits. Every mention of the name “Nian” would leave their hands clammy with cold sweat and their hearts beating in their mouths. The harsh jaws of Winter were closing around them…and no one knew what to do…(drums stop) It’s late, my sweet little princess. Time to go to bed. I’ll tell you the rest of the story tomorrow. (spot fades)

(Spotlight on centerstage with CHEN HEE, SUN YIN and GUANG posing for a family picture. Gradual spot on OLD WOMAN) and family carries on posing, adjusting their clothes, laughing as the OLD WOMAN speaks )

OLD WOMAN: Chen Hee was a sweet girl who had a wonderful family. Like a glowing pearl held dearly by the twin palms of her mother and father, she was brought up on love and laughter and all manners of beautiful things. Her father, Guang, worked for the government, drawing a stable income, while her mother, Sun Yin, was a fulltime housewife whose skills with the thread and needle also helped make sure their family was never in want of anything. She was barely a little girl of six summers…when winter fell upon her..and upon the entire country. (spotlight on centerstage onto full in a sudden burst of light, then into immediate darkness)

It was a war to end all wars. But fought as if it were a game played between two countries. The giants in the world whose moves shook the earth and leveled mountains.

(spotlight on centerstage. A strange chessboard is set up with half the layout of a western chess game and the other half-a game of “Go”)

The British on one side. (the British General enters partially into the center spot) and the Japanese on the other (the Japanese General enters partially into the center spot). The game was to be way shorter than anyone had expected. (both move and sit down. In the speech that follows, the Generals make moves on the board one after the other while the escalating sounds of war are heard in the background and pictures are flashed on the screen. The British General being initially smug and confident, then gradually losing confidence until his final defeat as he hangs his head in shame. The Japanese General remains methodical and emotionless throughout.) They each made moves. One countering the other. Feigns, blocks, tricks of the trade, attacking in the shadows, defending against shades. Countless plans and countless sacrifices until one General stands up tall and victorious! (The Japanese General stands up and the flag of Japan is projected on the screen. Gradual fade.) One sun rises and another sets. They must have seen it as a game. It was way more than that. People lived, and people died. For that one sun to rise, countless suns had set and perished in rains of spilled blood and twisted metal...But little Chen Hee did not know that. She was just a child. (Fade on OLD WOMAN)

(Spot on centerstage. SUN YIN is seated on a chair, sewing a flag. She wears a gold chain around her neck which she fingers from time to time. CHEN HEE enters from stageright. Noticing her mother, a naughty smile spreads across her face. Slowly and without sound, she creeps up behind her and hugs her from behind.)

SUN YIN (genuinely shocked, pricks her finger on the needle): Ah…Chen Hee! What are you doing?!

CHEN HEE: Sorry, Ma.(still unrepentant and smug until she notices the blood from her mum’s finger) Ma! You’re bleeding! Are you okay? (CHEN HEE grabs her mum’s finger and sucks it to stop the bleeding.)

SUN YIN (her anger subsiding as she notices the genuine look of worry on her daughter’s face): You naughty girl! Don’t do that again. You almost scared Ma to death.

CHEN HEE: (genuine) Sorry, Ma…Ma? (noticing her mother fingering her chain) What’s that pretty yellow thing you always wear around your neck?

SUN YIN: Oh, this? (pulling out a small gold plate dangling at the end of the chain) It’s a gold plate for protection…passed down the generations from mother to daughter. It has ma’s name carved on it. And Ah Mah’s name. And your great Ah Mah’s name. (deep in thought) See this? (showing CHEN HEE the plate) Ma’s name – Sun Yin. Never forget your name. Sometimes it’s the only thing left that nobody can take away from you. Someday, Ma will pass this to you and you can have you name engraved on it…

CHEN HEE: (Not fully understanding but nodding anyway. suddenly taking interest in the flag) Ma…what are you doing?

SUN YIN: Why do you have so many questions, little one? …Ma is sewing a flag.

CHEN HEE: A flag? For who? Fat Aunty Jin who lives in that big house down the road?

SUN YIN: No, silly girl. It’s…for the Japanese.

CHEN HEE: Doesn’t she have her own flag, Ma? How much is Aunty Japanese paying you for the flag?

SUN YIN (laughs): Silly girl, the Japanese are not aunties. They’re…soldiers. (a look of worry descends upon her face) The flag can protect us. You’re still young. I’ll explain it to you when you’re older.

CHEN HEE (scratches head, confused): Can you at least show me the flag, Ma?

(SUN YIN opens up the flag she is sewing. The red sun is seen clearly in a sea of white. Spot fades)

(OLD WOMAN'S voice can be heard)

OLD WOMAN: Chen Hee knew the red spot in the flag was the sun. But she couldn’t tell if the sun was rising or setting. By the looks on the faces of her neighbours, her family and the other people around her, it soon became obvious as day to Chen Hee that the sun was a setting one…that the darkest of days were lying in wait, just around the corner of their lives…

(Japanese anthem playing. Sounds of marching boots. Red wash onstage with gobo of Japanese flag centerstage. Japanese soldiers matching across the stage. Blackout.)

(Gradual spot on stageleft. CHEN HEE seated on the floor. GUANG comes to the edge of the spotlight holding the book.)

Voice of OLD WOMAN: It was like any other night. Her Pa was reading Chen Hee’s favourite story to her…when they came for him.

GUANG: (to the accompaniment of Chinese drums) There lived a wise old man in the village. He thought that it was the fear that made the beast so bold and vicious and greedy. And if the people were to stand together, united against their common adversary, they would prevail. The wise man’s words kindered the glowing embers of the villager’s hearts and with newfound courage, they organised themselves into groups, gathering drums and gongs and other things for making loud, frightening noises which they hoped would scare off the monster. Moonless and bitter cold, the fateful night crawled up upon the village, unaware that this time, they were waiting for him. (gradual spot on stageright. Two Japanese soldiers are standing together, seemingly discussing something) The Nian was here and so was the moment of truth. (CHEN HEE falls asleep. Soldiers march across the stage and enter into a silent argument with him, eventually placing GUANG under arrest. GUANG places the red book next to CHEN HEE before being pushed across the stage by the impatient soldiers. They reach the other spot and force GUANG to kneel, laughing and slapping him as the spot changes to red. Blackout.)

CHEN HEE (tossing and turning, hugging the book, half-awake, muttering): Pa…you haven’t finished the story…what happens next…? (spot gradual fade)

(Stageright, gradual spot on OLD WOMAN in the rocking chair, lost in thought)

A CHILD’s VOICE: Ah Mah…(OLD WOMAN still not responding)Ah Mah!

OLD WOMAN: (startled) Oh! (sighs) …yes, my little princess?

A CHILD”S VOICE: Ah Mah…you haven’t finished the story…what happens next…?

OLD WOMAN: That was…the last time Chen Hee ever saw her father. The Japanese soldiers had taken him to one of the many concentration camps on the island. And together with other government servants and clerks in European firms, they were probably …put to death, cut down ruthlessly by the terrible machine gun fire which echoed for miles,every other hour, of every other day during the Japanese Occupation…

Like a cold metal vise, the living nightmare tightened its grip over the lives of everyone in our country. With her pa gone, life was harder than ever for Chen Hee and her mother.

(Spot fade. Gradual spot on centerstage. There is a rice urn in the center. CHEN HEE is sitting to the left on the floor in front of a small carpet with a small fan lying to her side, reading the red book. SUN YIN enters with a sack of rice. CHEN HEE quickly hides the book behind her back, looking as if she’d done something wrong)

SUN YIN (straining): Chen Hee! Chen Hee! Come and help Ma carry the rice!

(CHEN HEE stuffs the book under the floor carpet, then hurries over to help her mother with the sack. Half dragging, they bring the sack to the rice urn. CHEN HEE quickly goes back and sits on the carpet)

SUN YIN (wiping perspiration from her face): It’s so hot out there…and Ma had to walk all the way just to buy this miserable 8 catties of rice. (beginning to scoop the rice into the urn, taking extra care not to lose a single grain. Shaking her head) I’m not even sure if this will last us for a month. (Sigh)

(CHEN HEE picks up the fan from the floor, walks to her mother and starts fanning her)

SUN YIN: Ahhh..that feels so much better. (runs her fingers through her daughter’s hair) You’re such a sweet child, Chen Hee. (suddenly remembering something) Have you dug up the tapioca from the garden like I asked you to before I left? (CHEN HEE shakes her head) Better go dig it up now. On my way back, I saw Ah Cai, Aunty Jin’s dog? Used to be so fat and lazy. But ever since the Japanese came and took everything away from Aunty Jin, her business, her wealth, her son and…her husband..(pause. Trying to move on to another thought) Now Ah Cai’s so skinny its ribs are all showing, nothing but skin and bones. It was desperately digging around for food… Guai. Be a good girl and go dig up the tapiocas before the little thief digs them up…

CHEN HEE: Yes, ma.

(Gradual spot on stageleft, where a pile of dirt is on the floor with two miserable-looking tapioca plants. CHEN HEE moves over to the carpet and pulls out the hidden book. She brings it to the tapioca plants and sets it carefully on the floor. She digs at the earth and pulls out the tapioca gently. Then buries the book under the earth. While this is happening, her mother continues to talk to her from within the house)

SUN YIN: Hee, have you thrown away all the Chinese books in the house yet?

CHEN HEE: Yes, ma.. (while outside burying the book)

SUN YIN: Good. Because the Japanese will make life difficult for anyone caught with a Chinese book of any kind. Just last month, Aunty Low’s son was taken for questioning because he was reading a Chinese book in public. Till now, they still have no news of him. Are you sure you’ve thrown out everything, Hee?

CHEN HEE: Yes, ma..I burnt all the books. (while outside burying the book.after which she goes back into the house)..Ma, don’t worry so much.

Voice of OLD WOMAN: Sun Yin was right to worry. The following day, Ah Cai was sniffing around for food and noticed the loose soil outside their house. (dog sniffing and digging sounds) Digging up what had been so carefully buried by Chen Hee, the dog found something of no interest to it and wandered off elsewhere to search for food, not knowing the terrible thing it had done.(gradual spot on stageleft, soil has been disturbed and the red book plainly in sight)

The day was hot like no other. (general wash on stage. Insect sounds) The sun blazed proudly on its throne in the center of the sky, passing down waves of judgement on the poor people below. People were sweating ,and cursing ,and just that little bit angrier at everyone else..and sometimes themselves. It was one of those days when the world seemed a living hell. The day was hot like no other.

(Gradual spot on stageright. A Japanese soldier enters. He is wiping sweat from his face and seems frustrated at something)

A Japanese soldier was supposed to be on patrol somewhere near Chen Hee’s house. His mind was occupied with the thoughts of home and his next visit to the ‘comfort’ homes. But even these could not make him forget the monstrous heat which seemed to bake the worst out of every living soul. He realised he had been standing at one spot for too long and …(start walking slowly towards stageleft) carried on with his patrol…

The red book was in plain sight. (soldier sees the book) He could have ignored it..or kicked it aside..or…(soldier picks up the book) But it was a hot day like any other… (blackout)

(The following scene is played out with no dialogue and no sound other than the beating Chinese drums. Start sound of beating drums escalating with the mood. Gradual spot on center with Chen Hee and Sun Yi in their house with the previous setup. Sun Yi is patching a dress while Chen Hee is talking to her animatedly. Silence. Then one drumbeat for each sudden spot on four corners of the stage showing four Japanese soldiers in four corners with the last one carrying a black flag signifying the coming of the Kempeitai. With a stylised and choreographed movement, the soldiers start moving in on the mother and daughter. When they notice the intruders, it is too late. A struggle ensues. Three soldiers grab Sun Yi while one waves the red book in her face, during the scruffle, tearing the dress she was patching, wrenching the gold chain from her neck. Chen Hee is pushed to the ground but she grabs onto her mother’s leg obstinately. The soldiers beat her and kick her and finally one of them uses his bayonet on her arm. (sudden silence) Sun Yi goes crazy at the sight of her injured child, clawing and biting till they knock her unconscious and drag her away. Chen Hee is left bleeding onstage next to the fallen gold chain and the tattered dress while her mother is dragged off stageleft. Fadeout. )

Voice of OLD WOMAN: On her way to collect her dress from Sun Yin, Aunty Jin found Chen Hee lying on the floor in a slowly gathering pool of her own blood. She rushed her to the hospital immediately…and even then, they were only barely able to save her life. She recovered slowly day by day under the care of Aunty Jin who loved her like her own child. During the Occupation, families were lost, homes were destroyed. Not everyone was like Chen Hee and Aunty Jin, who were both lucky enough to find new family in each other. (photos of Aunty Jin and Chen Hee projected onscreen. Followed by photos of the Japanese surrender)

When the Japanese finally surrendered, the whole of Singapore was united in celebration. The strange thing was, all Chen Hee could think of was the last part of the story which her father had not finished, the part which she remembered by heart from reading the book over and over again after her father's disappearance.

(gradual spot on centerstage. Chen Hee (young) tells the story standing up)

CHEN HEE: (sound of beating drums) The Nian was here…and so was the moment of truth! The creature appeared before the people in all its monstrous glory, emerald eyes blazing bright as it snorted lightning from its flaring nostrils. For once, the villagers did not run away. They stood their ground as one and the moment the beast opened its bloody maw to let out a mighty roar, down came upon it a rain of frightening noises and startling sounds. Wherever the monster ran, it was forced back by the terrible noises. The Nian could not stop running until…with a final great cry, it collapsed under the weight of its own exhaustion. The villagers pounced upon it and battered it to death. Though the beast was most brutal and heartless, the people finally defeated him with their indomitable spirit and boundless courage. Since then, people have followed the tradition of lighting fireworks and beating drums and gongs in the coldest day in winter to commemorate their victory over the monster. (drums end. Spot fade.)

(spot on stageright with OLD WOMAN sitting in the rocking chair)

OLD WOMAN: It wasn't until Chen Hee was much older that she understood that the story of Nian was more than just a story…and how Japan was the horrible beast which was finally defeated by the united people of the world and the terrible noise of the two bombs dropping over Hiroshima and Nagasaki. But of course, this was many moons later…Then, she was just a little girl and she knew only the sudden nagging loss of her parents..

A CHILD'S VOICE: Ah Mah…is this story real? (THE OLD WOMAN nods) Then…where is Chen Hee now? Is she still staying in Singapore? Does she still remember what happened in the past?

OLD WOMAN: You're a curious one, aren't you? Chen Hee is…alive and well…and happy. What I can tell you for sure is that her parents were right. They were both right. Not only her mother, who told her of the importance of names. But also her father who showed her the value of stories. These are the things she will never forget. Her name (takes out gold plate dangling on a chain) and her story (at the same time accidentally revealing the scar on her right arm. Addressing the audience) Now both belong to you…(fadeout)

<<3507>>

Written By: Ng Wai Keat, my bro.