The lil' kitten, after being fed, was gleefully playing with the ribbons...
and nibbling my ankle as well =)

I'm sleepy... too!

I hope you can see him too.
You've been away for 3 mths...

my love =)
nvm my background blabbering. concentrate on Chichi. he's damn happy after his milk.



YES I LOVE TORTILLA CHIPS x)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cSu8-A2QTAg

reason being that i'm still unsure if kao and mum will take Chichi away when i'm away.
i'm really afraid of that.
i'm all committed and tied with this lil' fellow.

when mum brought me to see the 7 kittens that some f*cking bastard abandoned at some hdb void deck and they were fostered by this friend of ours, i couldn't control my tears. they've lost their mum and i felt the same. i picked up Chichi and i felt a connection established.

it's love at 1st sight. really.

for those of you who learn jap, i'm sure u know what Chichi means. kao asked and mum asked, but i kept quiet lest i teared upon mention.

it means daddy.

since ytd when we picked him up, there never was once when i could control my tears when i see him sucking his milk bottle or simply looking at me with curious exploring eyes. i felt that Chichi filled up some of the emptiness in me. i felt that he is the lil' joy in my life.

i felt that he's a gift from Dad.

kao brought neko, mum brought xixi, dad brought oka, i brought chichi.

although we could never be together again, i really hope the cats that we brought will manage to stay under one roof and enjoy each other's company.

on our behalf.

i really do. and i'm all ready to take up the responsibility to take care of him till his end.

not just him, but neko, xixi and oka as well.

having a pet is a life's promise. u've to take care of him/her till his/her end.

i hope i have the life to do that.

but if kao and mum want to give him back, i'm helpless.

but really, it's just like hope being taken away, from my sorrow-ridden 2008.


a gift for those who have the patience to finish my entry...

家好月圆终于大结局了。

在Jo鲍生日当天，他许了一个愿望。

“我身体比你好，你死得比我早。”

当中的“你”，是指他的妻子。

他希望他能照顾她，他希望失去同伴的痛苦由他一个人承受。

昨天入眠前，我想起了这句话，又落泪了。

爸爸，相信你在世时也有这样的愿望吧?

i dread gg home.

when i go home and see my mum in a half-drunk state feigning happiness

the sight pains me as a sharpened knife would on my skin and flesh.

many said i'm amazing at recovery

i just repress myself and try to forget

coming home just brings it all back

i am so tired

i am so very much in pain

suppressing tears has become my forte

老爸。。。中秋节快乐！

告诉我天上是否真的有嫦娥，玉兔和吴刚吧？

今天去看你，帮你擦亮石碑，心中仍然悸动。

看那被火吞噬的金银纸，真的怀疑你收到了吗？

那是我们的思念

回想起六月发生的事，仍觉得不可思议

好像真的是一场很可怕的恶梦

梦而已

以往新年时的守岁，生日时的愿望，不过是灰烬．．．

去年的中秋节是怎么过的？

我忘记了

没有记载

你记得吗？

只知道没有爸爸，就没有绿茶月饼，没有柚子灯笼，没有中国茶

中秋，没有了．．．

老爸。。。中秋节快乐！

i dreamt of you ytd

woke up in the middle of the night

just to realise that it's a dream

an impossible dream

but i didn't tear

has the truth finally sunk in?


新阿里朗，是我的梦想
阿里朗，是我的现实

初次感觉到

过去的一切就像过眼云烟

就像一场梦

醒来之后

发现现在的一切仍然依旧

什么都没有改变

留下的

不过是那沉沉的惆怅。。。

兰姑姐去世了。
有时真的不得不想，为什么爸爸的家族会那么的不幸?
去年，爸爸的大哥去了。今年，爸爸的大姐去了。
今年，爸爸也走了。

也许人生就是永远活在黑暗中。
前方，有太多太多太多的未知数。
可能如果我们知道你只剩2个月的时间，
我们在那两个月中会活得很辛苦。
可是，你仅让我们辛苦了2天。

我觉得我现在很怕忆起童年
因为有你。
讲起父母，那种默默的悲伤只会隐隐现身。

为什么这2008年会是这个样子?

人，始终只有接受来为所有一切终结。。。

妈，我只想你快乐。
但我不知道该怎样让你快乐。。。

emo.

it all seems a tad silly to me now.

i used to be easily transcend to the state of emo-ness. and it can be about ANYTHING and EVERYTHING.

the rain, the song, the friend/s...

but now

nothing is as good and comforting as a good laugh.

i treasure happiness all the times... and i treasure the times spent alone with me myself and i...

but now i just want to occupy my mind with things.

just keep me busy. keep me preoccupied.

take away my time and my space. for once, intrude, infringe.

being free only allows the memories to flow... tinted with melancholy and bitterness.

accompanied by seemingly endless tears and heart throbs.

每一个人都是人生的过路客
每一个过路客总有一天会离去
谢谢你这二十年四个月十四天的照顾与陪伴。
我明白
再也没有人会像你那样疼我了
因为你就是你。我只有一个你。
现在你走了
但我总觉得，并没有少了一个人爱我。
因为你走之前，一定是还是爱着我的。
一定。

那天整理抽屉，看到我们的口琴。
每一次心血来潮就会拿出来玩。
爸，你真的很会吹。
我只记得小白船。

再也不会听到你的吹奏了。

今天我突然想。
是不是每一次闭上眼睛，你才能在我身边出现
睁开双眼，你就不能现身?

为什么我不怕鬼
因为我知道
你还是像我小时候那样
无时无刻在保护我。

记得，每一次哭得时候，你都会很心疼地问谁把你的宝贝弄哭。
然后在抽泣之间，我会指指地上或墙壁或任何一样我不小心撞到的东西
你就会去骂去打它。
我一定会被逗笑的。



爸，你知道现在弄你女儿哭的是你吗?

小白船

probably the 1st song you've ever taught me on a harmonica