MRI results:

1. high grade tear (near 100%) of the anterior cruciate ligament (ACL) secondary to a pivot shift injury mechanism.

2. partial tear of the proximal lateral collateral ligament.

3. sprain of the medial collateral ligament.

4. transchondral injuries of the lateral femorotibial compartment as well as the posteromedial tibial plateau.

ACL provides 90% of knee joint stability.

basically, only surgery can lead to complete recovery. physio can only help to minimise my chance of dislocation and that's provided that i don't dance intensively.

perhaps i shld go for the surgery... but only 90 to 95% of those who undergo surgery can have full recovery. i don't trust my luck. i can always fall in the 5 to 10%.

like you did.

i don't know. i'm lost.

life choice.

rubbed off my skin accidentally.

it was somehow awesomely painful.

if i disappear from this world

probably nobody will notice it

thus, i have to confirm my own existence

As I lie on e bed thinking abt ur bday, I felt sorrows dripping from my body, seeping through the mattress. 爸，生日快乐

im losing you as a friend.

im so sorry for being petty.

i guess it's all due to this silent fear of losing.

十分だけ

just ten minutes. so that i have the benefit of time. and benefit of heart. i don't have to worry about anyone putting me off or hurting me. no more speculation. coz i only asked for ten minutes. i'm afraid to ask for more, and more, and more... so it's easier to stop at ten minutes.

この感じはなんですか？分からないよ。好きの同時も嫌いと思う。どうして？もっと簡単ほうがいいよ。でも、どうしてできない？今私は道で迷うかな。。。

i didn't publish whatever i've written just now.

the outcome is unfathomable and may even be confusing.

the disease of overthinking.