Just as I thought the wound has began to close up and heal, it was ripped and scattered with salt all over again.

Mum was at it again yesterday. And all I can do is feeling helpless.

I'm the most useless one in the family. All I could do is to continue to live life. I couldn't help to heal Mum at all. I couldn't help with the admin nonsense that is driving my brother nuts.

I couldn't help with anything.

I cried a lot and all I could think of was, how great will it be if Dad is here. He could hug me and kiss me and stop all this horrible uproar that is ongoing in our family now.

And the next moment, I know that it's a dream impossible. And the tears keep coming.

Is it lucky to have loved and lost it? Or is it lucky if you've never loved and you'll never bother if you lose it or not?

All we could say in our life is a whole load of 'if only'.

But we all know that it's impossible.

It only drives people crazy.

The pain is searing. It's so painful to love and lost. Perhaps one should not have loved at all.

Mum said that she will ensure that nothing will happened to her till I graduate.

So should I graduate or should I not?

Please don't tell me that you understand unless you've been through it all.

You will never ever understand.

We used to be happy. Occasionally Mum will start it and we will hit the bottom but soon it will all be the same again.

We used to be really happy.

If there were God/s, what the fuck are they doing? Posing a challenge for us?

Why take away our happiness?

All along, we learn how to cherish. We learn how to remember.


Why doesn't this happen on families who do not cherish each other so that it serves as a reminder for them to cherish?


Too many whys

Eaten away by tears and sorrows.