i'll never forget that. 2nd sept 2010, the first time i sustained an injury from dance. ligament tear on my left knee area.

and it was 2 weeks away from concert. according to sensei, ligament tear takes a 100 days to fully recover.

fuck.

just when i think that things can't be worse, i slipped on friday and injured the same part again.

1 week of home confinement and crutches and feeling useless all gone to the drain coz of that.

i cried coz it was so painful... and i just need someone to hug me and tell me that it's alright. thank god brother was there. if mum was there i doubt she can give me that. she'll probably just scold/blame me for being stupidly careless again.

when brother helped me with massaging, i was strongly reminded of dad, how he used to help me with my various injuries coz of my carelessness.

mother just happened to herself again.

same thing. she and excessive alcohol combined never fails to make her the saddest woman on Earth.

once again, i wished that she can get her wish and die earlier.

there she goes. blabbering the old news.

her biggest mistake in life is to bring me and my brother to life.

blah blah blah. blah blah blah.

dad, thank goodness you're not here to hear this. i'm sure you'll be pained.

but i dun feel anything anymore. this has happened far too many times.

but i was reminded again how i'm unable to dance in my last school concert. how i can't cry with others and make my make-up run on stage.

but things happen for a reason. and although we dunno the reason, perhaps it's destined that we dun. coz once we know the reason, we might have wished that we never knew. like how Ted in HIMYM is.