i just came back from my friend's mini concert at NYGH audi.

her entire family came to support her.

we helped them with a family photo.

then, her father took out his phone to take a photo of her beautiful daughter in stage costume.

if i were to have any lesser control, i would have broken down already.

i was brought back to the times when you were still around to take photos of your daughter in glamorous costumes and exaggerated stage makeup, and when you never fail to tell her how much she shone on stage and how gorgeous she was, even if she did blunders during performances. i was brought back to the times when you and mum will wait in silence outside the theater while their daughter entertain her friends after concert, and welcome me with simple family warmth. all that i need.

i was so jealous.

so. very. much. jealous.

the jealousy came in the form of tears which i managed to suppress albeit much effort involved.

imagine the consequences if i didn't. everyone will be stunned, at a loss of what to do, and i would have spoilt everyone else's day.

and i would never want to hurt my girl.

so many times i've heard, to be yourself, pursue what you want, just go for it.

but so many times i did not do it.

perhaps i was really too practical.

but i'm an irony in existence.

i went home and mum told me that kao got some kidney problem, but she said it was nothing too serious.

but i'm scared.