tears

to

perspiration

'you've the burden of an artiste'
-ky-

a little surprise, a little bitter, a little smile, a little pain,
but much truth.


sober at night.

五十六朵花，
我献给你。
每一朵代表了你在这世上的每一年。
每一年都像盛开的花朵一样美丽。
因为每一年你一定会让人开心。
虽然花朵的数目不会再增加，
但你为我开的二十朵花，
永远都会在我心里，
永远都不会凋谢，
就像我折给你的花朵一样。

爸爸，新年快乐。
保佑池塘里的鱼不要再死了！=(

事实是，今年的团圆饭只有我和哥哥吃。
妈妈喝了一整天的酒。
原来那天的电话，被她摔坏了。
她气我没听她的电话，她气哥哥去了巴丹岛。
晚上八点多，发作了。进房间哭睡了。
我和哥哥，一共吃了九个钟头的火锅。

妈妈一点多起来，又要喝。
妈妈和哥哥吵架了。
后来，哥哥给了我一个红包。
我们抱着哭了。
爸爸最后给的红包，在那里？

我们不知道。

今年会牛转乾坤吗？
我可以告诉你，我不信。
那个曾经相信一切都会没事的我，已不见了。

《生命要继续》

Stephanie 这是 Witness 我从来没有机会和你说再见　所以这首歌我献给你

I know you're in heaven right now probably watching down on me

我希望你能听见我的声音 This one right here goes out to you girl



当我走在这条街　一直想 "what's in my head”　从来没想到我会变成这样子

给我一面镜子　让我看我自己　我看到的不是Witness who is this

终于走到医院　看着我的Stephanie 我叫她不要害怕　叫她不要担心

她病的不轻　可是上帝一定会把撒旦赶回去　他一定会赢

Now she's gone 她还是走了 Tell me now 为什么　我失去我的天使

我借酒来逃避现实　一杯接一杯来麻痺自己

这一杯来怀念你 Stephanie I miss you girl Can you hear me

现在我站在十字路口　问我自己　生命要不要继续下去



＊Life goes on ( 生命要不要继续)

Every time you close your eyes know I'll be there (让我问我自己)

拿着有翅膀的笔 (Tell me tell me你怎么离我而去)

写封信 (生命要不要继续) 寄到梦里给你 (让我问我自己)

I'll spread my wings when you need me (Tell me tell me what's it gonna be)＊



人都会死　可是你不得不比我先走一步　让我那么孤单　让我那么痛苦

幸亏我有好的兄弟　因为没有他们我一定死定　我的目的

麻痺心灵　灌醉自己 Playin´ girlies 每天跟着大马戏团一起 party

大支想要我麻痺自己　给我 Trippys 准备东西给我吸 Thanks G

但是　这不是长久之计　清醒后我们心痛还在那里 Baby

Hip-hop 习惯　是把酒洒在地上　表示对死着追忆　这一瓶　倒掉为了你

Rest in peace



你是否听见 (I hear you ) 我的声音 (That&acutes right) 在你沉睡的梦里



No doubt 镜子中是 Witness and I ´ ve come to this

I´ ll be with you You´ ll be with me 请你放心

我不会再把头垂的那么低　爱惜自己　尊重自己

没有一个担子那么重　我不能提

Oh my knees 我的祷告都是为了你 Beggin´ the Lord Please

照顾我的 Stephy 保护我的 Stephy I believe

生命要继续　要继续



我知道生命要继续下去　虽然我想念你

我知道你在天堂很开心　跟你的妈妈妈在一起

我也知道上帝会照顾你　所以你不必担心

I see you when I get there Till then Life goes on

drunk in the day

sober at night

brother is away at batam.

mum is all alone at home.

she called me at 7 plus. but i was at dance.

i tried calling 20 over times since 11pm.

but the phone is engaged.

it only escalates my fear.

i keep on thinking that mum will leave us very soon.

to seek dad.

it might be anytime.

sometimes i think that perhaps this is what she wants.

and perhaps i should not be so worried.

but i'm so sorry mum.

i'm so scared. i bet that if i hear your voice now i'll cry.

i'm fucking worried. i'm just trying to keep myself fucking busy now.

omfg. are you ok at home?

i'm going to call you early tml. pls pick up the phone.

i know you'll be pissed if you see me rushing back home coz it just means that i don't trust you.

which actually i don't.

but i shall just try to keep calm now.

i shall keep myself busy.

i shall not cry.

i shall be busy.

I dreamt of dad again.

In my dreams, he got a disease, which caused his skin to turn dark red.
But at least, he was alive.
CNY is coming, but I am not anticipating it.
Not a single bit.
First new year without dad.
Do you think things will turn better for us this year?

the fishes residing at your place...

when i laid my head on my pillow

when dust settle for the night and all things gone quiet

thoughts start running in my head

i thought of dad once again.

i saw my friend's family photo

and wondered why we didn't take a proper one

before everything was too late

i saw my friend rushing off as his dad came to pick him up

and thought i'm seeing my past

ning commented that it's hard for me to cry

and ky named his doubts

it was hard to make me cry

and still am

simply because i cry in solitude

the negative energy within me, i feel

has increased by folds

i used to be able to control it

but now i felt its emission

i cowered on the bed

as tears rolled down like snowballs down the slope

how i yearned for dad to come and hug me

console and coax me into sleep

the thought that it will never happen again in this world

only made things worse.

i can feel my heart shattered

i can feel the piercing pain

i can feel the intense tightening of my chest

as i tried to cry in silence

a headache follow suit

and the party of the solemn began

if there were an alternate reality where you exist

let me in.

i hate staying at home in the afternoons.

i hate people calling my mum and ask her how she is.

i hate it when mum drinks beer.

i hate it when brother shouts.

i hate staying at home in the afternoons coz any of these things will happen.