i hate seeing him lying on the hospital bed.

it simply reminds me horrendously of his father, he who's the only one i've visited in icu.

till now.

seems so helpless, so fragile, so vulnerable.

he had yet to b able to move about properly. at least he's out of icu...

everything is gg to be different now... yet i'm unable to accept it.

and i know that i refuse to.

wad's e point of staying away from smoking and drinking and having a proper diet when the end result is still the same?

everything seems so pointless.

i'm still a kid who rejects growth. frankly, i'm not sure if i'm ready for this.

too abrupt. too overwhelming. too sudden.

but i have to.

mum and kao are. perhaps they are hiding. perhaps they are pretending to be strong.

on wad grounds could i not do so? i dun have the rights to. i need to be strong. tears shall not flow. depression shall be suppressed. and i shall grow up.

all along i've wanted to learn driving... not coz i want to, but i feel the need to.

just in case anything... like this... happens. at least someone in the family can drive.

how i wish i've picked up the skill already.

oh gods pls pls pls...

i've made this vow a long long long while ago.

pls pls pls pls pls allow me to do it.

e moment i see all the relatives and friends surrounding him, i've no idea why but i feel like tearing.

why? why him?

how i hope that i'm like qianyi... already graduated and all ready to work.

then i won't be such a burden