爸爸

此时此刻，我真的希望你能在那个世界看到这个空间。

就算是3秒也好。

我只想说

爸，我爱你。再见。

爸爸。。。

我们都希望

你如果舍不得我们，请你赶快回来。不管会变成怎么样，我们都可以一起面对面。

但是

如果你觉得拼得太辛苦，不值得的话，不需留念，我们明白。我们会连你那一份继续活下去。

你听到了吗？

我们都不知现在的你在那里，我们只能相信你有自己的决定。

加油，爸爸。我们爱你。

volcano erupted today.

it's like she's gone totally mad.

how am i to forget abt today?

the day when i know the truth of everything.

but it sounded so surreal.

felt so detached.

when will this ordeal be over?

perhaps never ever.

wtf is god doing? why are u all doing this to us?

wtfwtfwtf

我的心是否被掏空了。。。

sometimes bad things just happened in a row.

dad's condition is still unstable and the doc actually said that anything could happen.

and i still cant get a hall and still make my parents worry abt this.

mum asked me wad im gonna do if i really cant get a hall.

i said i'll quit school.

they laughed a little.

it's meant as a vent.

but somewhere deep, i felt like doing so and stop being an extra burden.

i hate seeing him lying on the hospital bed.

it simply reminds me horrendously of his father, he who's the only one i've visited in icu.

till now.

seems so helpless, so fragile, so vulnerable.

he had yet to b able to move about properly. at least he's out of icu...

everything is gg to be different now... yet i'm unable to accept it.

and i know that i refuse to.

wad's e point of staying away from smoking and drinking and having a proper diet when the end result is still the same?

everything seems so pointless.

i'm still a kid who rejects growth. frankly, i'm not sure if i'm ready for this.

too abrupt. too overwhelming. too sudden.

but i have to.

mum and kao are. perhaps they are hiding. perhaps they are pretending to be strong.

on wad grounds could i not do so? i dun have the rights to. i need to be strong. tears shall not flow. depression shall be suppressed. and i shall grow up.

all along i've wanted to learn driving... not coz i want to, but i feel the need to.

just in case anything... like this... happens. at least someone in the family can drive.

how i wish i've picked up the skill already.

oh gods pls pls pls...

i've made this vow a long long long while ago.

pls pls pls pls pls allow me to do it.

e moment i see all the relatives and friends surrounding him, i've no idea why but i feel like tearing.

why? why him?

how i hope that i'm like qianyi... already graduated and all ready to work.

then i won't be such a burden

Friday the 13th

i tripped over the glass cupboard door (which wasn't shut the proper way).

but i did not fall.

the glass did.

piang.

shattered.

shocked.

T.T

other than that, i guess the rest of my day was fine (watch kungfu panda w kao and went dinner w charms).

it's just a bad start. things straighten right after.

still good =)