i looked at dad's passport, which has yet to expire.

i stroked my dad's photo.

almost instantaneously, i felt a deep hole in my heart.

it'll never be gone.

i wonder sometimes.

how many deaths can i take?

i realised i need to take a lot of deaths.

is it better to die early?

坐在床头的一角

我忽然好想你再一次拥抱我。

再一次，又感到心裂开了

i can't believe that i'm jealous of anime characters (PSI 3rd level)

complete happy family. with a kitten.

simple as that. and i am jealous of them.

that was my past.

and i'm jealous of my past.

when i was with my friend waiting for her dad, i thought it felt strangely familiar.
when i saw my friend calling her dad, i thought it looked strangely familiar.
when i saw my friend slid into her dad's car, i thought it looked strangely familiar.
when i heard the old canto songs yesterday at JP, i thought it sounded strangely familiar.
when i heard the last song you heard, i knew it was familiar.
far too familiar.
it's the sound of melancholy. and death.

it's not the first time tearing on the bus amongst the crowd. silently.
emotion admist emotions.

i don't know where i'm heading. but once it stops, i know i'll see you.

Sometimes, i can't believe that i've lost you.

When i don't explore that emptiness, life seems normal.

When i question that emptiness, life crumbles.

Returning home every week is like returning to the negative side of me.

I'm torn apart.

i yearn for home. but i dread home.

Shredded.

Every week without fail, you welcome me home in your drunken stupor.

And i am embarrassed by you.

To the extent that i can't bear the sight of you.

I wonder

Would you be happier if you die?

I just want you to be happier.

But you are just making yourself miserable.

You're so capable of it that you've been doing it for your whole 56 years of life.

You always ask questions which cannot be answered.

What do you expect me to say? I've no idea.

All i can do is to keep quiet.

Who is the selfish one? Honestly?

You kept saying nobody understands your pain.

You kept saying that you're the most ill-fated woman in the world.

You kept saying that you want to die.

You kept saying that you will never be happy again.

You kept saying that we have our own lives and that you have none.

But only you

is capable of controlling all of the above.

Nobody can help you, mum. You have to help yourself. Step out of dad's shadow. Hold hands with him. Tightly. But own your shadow. For no one can live in other people's shadow.

昨天
在舞台上的我
灿烂辉煌

今天
在人生舞台上的我
依旧得面对现实

你真的还在吗？
可能在有生之年再见到你吗？

如果
泪水不会蒸发
那么
我的枕头
将是一个水枕

All Good Things (Come To An End) lyrics

Honestly, what will become of me?
I don't like reality
It's way too clear to me

But really life is dandy
We are what we don't see
We miss everything daydreaming

Flames to dust
Lovers to friends
Why do all good things come to an end?

Flames to dust
Lovers to friends
Why do all good things come to an end?

Come to an end, come to an
Why do all good things come to an end?
Come to an end, come to an
Why do all good things come to an end?

Traveling I always stop at exits
Wondering if I'll stay
Young and restless
Living this way I stress less

I want to pull away when the dream dies
The pain sets it and I don't cry
I only feel gravity and I wonder why

Flames to dust
Lovers to friends
Why do all good things come to an end?

Flames to dust
Lovers to friends
Why do all good things come to an end?

Come to an end, come to an
Why do all good things come to an end?
Come to an end, come to an
Why do all good things come to an end?

Dogs were whistling a new tune
Barking at the new moon
Hoping it would come soon
So that they could die

Dogs were whistling a new tune
Barking at the new moon
Hoping it would come soon
So that they could die

Die, die, die

Flames to dust
Lovers to friends
Why do all good things come to an end?

Flames to dust
Lovers to friends
Why do all good things come to an end?

Come to an end, come to an end
Why do all good things come to an end?
Come to an end, come to an end
Why do all good things come to an end?

Well the dogs were barking at the new moon
Whistling a new tune
Hoping it will come soon

And the sun was wondering if it should
Stay away for a day 'til the feeling went away
And the sky was falling
And the clouds were dropping
And the rain forgot how to bring salvation

The dogs were tune barking at the new moon
Whistling a new tune
Hoping it would come soon
So that they could die