妈妈不见了租屋后面那三只猫.
那段互相依赖的关系也瞬间烟消云散了.
我不了解这个关系, 但我相信应该与我和舞蹈, 我和朋友的关系是差不多的.
电话中的她哽咽, 我们都知道她要哭了.
她立即放下电话.
我去跑了.
路上, 我想, 人到底可以接受多少痛楚?
不管多么乐观的人, 如果一而再,再而三地被逼承受痛苦, 还会乐观吗?
看着月亮, 我竟然可以流泪.
今天的月亮, 很圆, 很漂亮.
夺去了天空的色彩.
其实那天空也很特别.
或许执着只会让人盲目, 看不到生命中的色彩.
即使那色彩是多么的微小, 始终算是色彩.
我发现自己真的很会安慰自己.
路灯投往水中的倒影, 可以让我赞叹它的美.
就算是在马路上跑, 也可发现漆黑中的闪烁, 像星星一样.
人生大概就是这样
苦中一点甜, 才能好好的活下去.
Monday, November 2, 2009
Saturday, October 31, 2009
i chanced upon my shutterfly account when i was looking through my archives.
i haven't touched it for 2 years ever since fb came in as the 3rd party.
only 2 years.
but i felt that i've evolved so much.
this happy girl who used to be me now seems like a stranger to me.
i loathed the way she wrote her blog entries.
i laughed at her fashion sense.
i smirked at how she included every single detail in her entries.
i mocked her innocence and trust in her future self to remember these things.
yet at the same time, i am jealous.
i've lost much memories about her.
i haven't touched it for 2 years ever since fb came in as the 3rd party.
only 2 years.
but i felt that i've evolved so much.
this happy girl who used to be me now seems like a stranger to me.
i loathed the way she wrote her blog entries.
i laughed at her fashion sense.
i smirked at how she included every single detail in her entries.
i mocked her innocence and trust in her future self to remember these things.
yet at the same time, i am jealous.
i've lost much memories about her.
Monday, October 26, 2009
most of it.
not the night.
my loved one didn't get into her desired internship company. and didn't get into her second one as well.
life.
my sister's keeper was a great show.
it makes me wonder
perhaps dad left earlier coz he's afraid that if he didn't, he will turn into a vegetable or something else that will add onto our burden. if that happened, perhaps his daughter might not be able to dance as much as now. if that happened, perhaps his son might not be able to watch as much dvd as now. if that happened, perhaps mum will not be so actively helping out the cats. if that happened, perhaps we will never have chichi.
perhaps that's why, he left after 2 days in coma.
strangely, i feel that i understand how much Kate wants to die. if i were in her condition and i've the ability, i will end of my life immediately. not that i don't treasure my life, but that i believe by staying alive, i will bring much more pain to my family and friends as they have to put up with witnessing my suffering.
and i never liked to trouble others when i'm emo. only a few got the taste of it. and i'm always apologetic after that.
being me, strong front or not, i will definitely love to have my last dignity.
travelling back hall, i felt pain in the head and when i got back to my room, after repeated exposures to 失落沙洲, the pain transcends to the heart.
it's just that.
pain
not the night.
my loved one didn't get into her desired internship company. and didn't get into her second one as well.
life.
my sister's keeper was a great show.
it makes me wonder
perhaps dad left earlier coz he's afraid that if he didn't, he will turn into a vegetable or something else that will add onto our burden. if that happened, perhaps his daughter might not be able to dance as much as now. if that happened, perhaps his son might not be able to watch as much dvd as now. if that happened, perhaps mum will not be so actively helping out the cats. if that happened, perhaps we will never have chichi.
perhaps that's why, he left after 2 days in coma.
strangely, i feel that i understand how much Kate wants to die. if i were in her condition and i've the ability, i will end of my life immediately. not that i don't treasure my life, but that i believe by staying alive, i will bring much more pain to my family and friends as they have to put up with witnessing my suffering.
and i never liked to trouble others when i'm emo. only a few got the taste of it. and i'm always apologetic after that.
being me, strong front or not, i will definitely love to have my last dignity.
travelling back hall, i felt pain in the head and when i got back to my room, after repeated exposures to 失落沙洲, the pain transcends to the heart.
it's just that.
pain
Friday, October 23, 2009
Friday, October 16, 2009
i just came back from my friend's mini concert at NYGH audi.
her entire family came to support her.
we helped them with a family photo.
then, her father took out his phone to take a photo of her beautiful daughter in stage costume.
if i were to have any lesser control, i would have broken down already.
i was brought back to the times when you were still around to take photos of your daughter in glamorous costumes and exaggerated stage makeup, and when you never fail to tell her how much she shone on stage and how gorgeous she was, even if she did blunders during performances. i was brought back to the times when you and mum will wait in silence outside the theater while their daughter entertain her friends after concert, and welcome me with simple family warmth. all that i need.
i was so jealous.
so. very. much. jealous.
the jealousy came in the form of tears which i managed to suppress albeit much effort involved.
imagine the consequences if i didn't. everyone will be stunned, at a loss of what to do, and i would have spoilt everyone else's day.
and i would never want to hurt my girl.
so many times i've heard, to be yourself, pursue what you want, just go for it.
but so many times i did not do it.
perhaps i was really too practical.
but i'm an irony in existence.
i went home and mum told me that kao got some kidney problem, but she said it was nothing too serious.
but i'm scared.
her entire family came to support her.
we helped them with a family photo.
then, her father took out his phone to take a photo of her beautiful daughter in stage costume.
if i were to have any lesser control, i would have broken down already.
i was brought back to the times when you were still around to take photos of your daughter in glamorous costumes and exaggerated stage makeup, and when you never fail to tell her how much she shone on stage and how gorgeous she was, even if she did blunders during performances. i was brought back to the times when you and mum will wait in silence outside the theater while their daughter entertain her friends after concert, and welcome me with simple family warmth. all that i need.
i was so jealous.
so. very. much. jealous.
the jealousy came in the form of tears which i managed to suppress albeit much effort involved.
imagine the consequences if i didn't. everyone will be stunned, at a loss of what to do, and i would have spoilt everyone else's day.
and i would never want to hurt my girl.
so many times i've heard, to be yourself, pursue what you want, just go for it.
but so many times i did not do it.
perhaps i was really too practical.
but i'm an irony in existence.
i went home and mum told me that kao got some kidney problem, but she said it was nothing too serious.
but i'm scared.
I questioned myself.
What happened? And I found no answer.
I don't know what happened to me anymore.
I don't understand what I'm thinking.
And I have the slightest idea about what I want.
I hate to be submissive.
Or perhaps I'm afraid to be.
I never dare to take the gamble.
And I never dare to take the step.
But you'll be fine.
And I sincerely wish you all the best. =)
What happened? And I found no answer.
I don't know what happened to me anymore.
I don't understand what I'm thinking.
And I have the slightest idea about what I want.
I hate to be submissive.
Or perhaps I'm afraid to be.
I never dare to take the gamble.
And I never dare to take the step.
But you'll be fine.
And I sincerely wish you all the best. =)
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
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