i took a long bath.

i scrubbed myself so hard that it hurts.

but nothing could beat this.

i tried swallowing my sorrows with gulps and gulps of water

subsequently, i felt like vomiting

but i couldn't do it.

now it's stuck in my throat.

once again spreading like a virus throughout my body.

i know how horribly sad you'll feel when you know that you couldn't be there for me.

couldn't be there to help me with along with life.

couldn't be there to cheer me up.

couldn't be there to teach me how to drive.

couldn't be there to tell me that in life, as long as you've tried your best, it's fine.

it must be worse than the pain i'm going through now.

how do i articulate to anyone about my desire to pass this friday's driving test?

how?

i'm not gifted with the ability.

will i or will i not succeed?
i keep telling myself that i HAVE to do it. i NEED to do it.
and i really hope that this will allow me to pull through.

clam.

演出后
当妈妈拒绝与我拍照
我有想落泪的感觉
那时
我多么希望你在这里
也许只是我不晓得而已
你今天也可能在场
看你女儿第一次表演嘻哈舞蹈

但一起照相
是永远不可能发生的事了。。。

i dreamt of mum's death.

it was so real that i was scared.

am scared.

how long more do i have with her?